Who Did Khloe Kardashians Makeup?

I don't know if I should berate or congratulate whoever is responsible to the face Khloe Kardashian was showing at a NYC party last night. Seriously- someone let her walk out of her hotel with this amount of brightener, blush and fake eyelashes. I'm not even going to talk about her lips or the fact that girls with not much of a neck should never ever wear turtlenecks.

Jump the Shark

In the fashion section of Life & Style's new issue (out today and worth looking at. There's a few other interesting articles) there's a story about 80s and 70s inspired jumpsuits and the stars who wear them. While Jamie Lynn Spears is 16 and related to you-know-who, and J. Lo is, well, J-Lo, I expect more than this from the lovely Sarah Michelle Gellar. It's only marginally better than this bright fashion moment Scarlett Johansson had last September:

(photo courtesy of The Superficial)

Scary Spice

Click the photo, if you dare.
It looks like Victoria Beckham has more than just bunions to worry about.

(picture from Hollywood Rag)

Let's hope she doesn't start a trend

I can't be the only one who doesn't get the Amy Winehouse asthetics, right?

Avril Fools' Day

What in the world is that? And, why?
Her dress is also a royal mess.

Why would someone as lovely and lively as Kylie Minogue do that to her face?

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

Keep this picture in mind next time you reach for that lipstick.

Rock Bottom

It's no longer funny (though The Superficial is doing his best).

Maybe Not

This is how Tyra Banks attended a pre-Grammy party. I don't have a rational explanation for this look, so I won't even try. Her dress was pretty bad, too.

Told You So

My complaints about recent fashion trends aren't a secret. I've blogged and talked about it with anyone who would listen. Basically, my point has always been: These things (80s fasion, bubble skirts, tops and dresses that make you look pregnant) aren't flattering, therefore should not be worn.

Anna Wintour, in her "letter from the editor" has been laughing at me for months, promoting the "new volume" and other weird ideas. However, it seems that I'm no longer the only one who thinks that while the empress isn't naked, her new clothes are giving her proprtions that belong in a circus. In the latest issue of Vogue, the featured question on "Ask Mrs. Exter" is this:

"... I am dating again and need a wardrobe that is sexy but not tawrdy, that shows curves rather than throws ironic curve balls that only fashionistas understand.
...Dresses are the big news in the current collections, I see, but I am dissuaded by many of the styles, such as the baby doll, the Empire waist, party poufs, and those frocks I can describe only as tulips extermis. Where can I find pretty, pleasing dresses that are not too short, too sheer, or too weird to please a man, and please myself, Mrs. Exter?"

Mrs. Exter offers some insight. From the idea behind the creation of Empire style (Napoleon pushed it at a time he was all about promoting French fertility and worried that the corset interfered with pregnancy), to the forgotten secret that "The waist is one of the more seductive zones a lady has to show for herself!".

She goes on to chat with the owner of a trendy fashion store from Dallas, Brian Bolke. He tells her: "Men understand anything with a waist. They don't understand Empire or baby doll. I can't tell you how many dresses we've had returned because although somebody amazingly chic has bought something amazingly chic, she nonetheless walked down the stairs of her house and her husband said, 'What in the hell are you wearing?' "

Can I get a big Hallelujah here? Seriously, what Mr. Bolke is saying is very simple: Men see women's clothes in simple terms. A dress is either pretty and flattering or it isn't.
My question is: If it's not making you look pretty, why wear it? Maybe someone is going to wake up from this design nightmare and start making beautiful clothes again.

Pictures are from Style.com (there's plenty more ridiculous stuff where it came from).

With celebs still rocking the oompa loompa look (and in Christina Aguilera's case it also includes lipstick on the teeth), maybe it's the time to remind everyone that there's a kinder, gentler way to fake a tan. A bronzer gives you much more control over the level of color, and unless you make a seriously wrong choice won't turn you orange.

I love Paula Dorf's pressed powder bronzer. It's as finely milled as it promises to be, goes on lightly and easily (I use a full brush that distributes the powder evenly) and gives me the touch of sun that I'm craving these days. My color of choice is Bronze (it's also offered in a lighter and a darker shade) which on my skin looks naturally sun-kissed. Just without the guilt. Normally, it's also available from Sephora, but their online store is out of stock at the moment.

Be Very Afraid- take 2

Insert whatever evil robot joke you feel appropriate.
On the same theme, check out The Manolo's post (and don't forget to hover your mouse over the photo he used. Priceless).

Be Very Afraid

Remember the time these two were the cutest thing on TV? Neither do I. There's a lot I could say about this picture of the twins from earlier this week (taken from The Hollyood Rag), but what kills me is Ashley's shoes. All this money and obsession, and she can't even find shoes that fit? Click on the picture to appreciate the horror.

Golden Globe Notes

The good news is that no one had a Bjork moment or a Cher moment. The bad news is Cameron Diaz: These were not the dress or the makeup to make Justin eat his heart out. And, speaking of makeup, it really annoyed me that so many of the women who attended the event looked like they all had their makeup done by the same artist. Even those who didn't do the full smoky eye thing had very pale lips. Those who went the different route, sported a too red, too dark lips that weren't flattering, like Cami, above. Except for Helen Mirren who got it right:

As for the nude lippers, Angelina Jolie can have whatever lip color she wants. She looks stunning, probably because her eye makeup is so right and really does require a toned-down lipstick. The others here also look alright, though Salma Hayek could use a little more color for a red carpet event. However, Drew Barrymore deserves much better. I didn't like her dress, either. I guess the blonde celebs are the ones who look best in pale lips.





Other noteworthy looks:
Vanessa Williams having a Whoa, Botox! moment (and I'm not even talking about the atrocious hair):

The Olsen Twins going to the Renaissance Fair:

It's not every day that 36 year old me gets to look at a 25 year old celeb and feel really good about the state o' my skin. I guess I owe Sienna Miller a big thank you. This is why you shouldn't smoke:























As to not end this on a snarky note, here's the lovely Reese Witherspoon, who got everything right- hair, dress and makeup: (As always, The Manolo does it better. Check out his post for a good laugh.)

Coming to America

Lucky us.
(Picture from The Superficial)

Seriously?

In what universe is this look considered flattering? I really want to know so I can make sure to avoid ever going there. I found this fashion atrocity in an email from Bergdorf. It's a Derek Lam tunic coat ($4990) and slouched trousers ($890). The pants are even more hideous in the closeup picture on their site.

Three Fashion Notes

1. The Emperor's New Clothes, or: What Fashion Blogs Are For:
I can't believe I'm not only one around who sports eyes. Case in point is pages 74-75 of InStyle's January issue. Here we have five gorgeous actresses wearing one-shoulder gowns. Out of the five, only Penelope Cruz's well constructed Azzaro dress is flattering and showing her lovely figure. Rose McGowan's Blumarine dress could have been better had only it was made out of a different fabric. The yellow satin stretches awkwardly on her chest and isn't doing her any favors. But, at least, the color and the cut are very nice.

The other three are nothing short of horrible: Drew Barrymore in a black shapeless DvF that could have been worn by a 7 months pregnant woman. Kristin Davis in an icy blue Alberta Ferreti that makes her balloon from the waist down. And, the worst of all, Beyonce in an Armani Prive atrocity that makes her look like a cartoon version of herself, all booty and not much else.

What annoys me, is that these dresses were chosen by the fashion editor as good examples. We all know that the magazines can't really call the designers out , because, hello? advertising? But they can, at least, be a bit more discriminating with their choices of best looks.

2. This is Why it's so hard to find a decent dress lately:
I just read this post by the Bag Snob. She's talking about a specific dress, but this comment is exactly what's wrong with so many of the items you'd find in stores everywhere:
"...Those of you lucky enough to be heading to warm weather this holiday need to grab one of these easy to pack dresses. It is flattering on everyone, the high waist is also perfect to wear as a maternity dress."
I'm sorry, but no. A dress that might as well be maternity-wear is definitely not flattering on everyone, especially not on those among us who are not pregnant and don't want to be mistaken for being so. Can we please have well-structured clothes back? I have a figure to show.

3. Why this back to the 80s thing wasn't such a good idea after all:
It was bound to happen. Once women started buying into this oversized sweaters with cropped leggings look it was only a matter of time before the worst of the 80s would come back: stirrup pants (or tights or whatever you wish to call them). They're here, complete with the saggy knee after the second time you wear them and the whole unkempt air they give.
Trinny, Susannah, Stacy and Clinton have devoted years of tough love to convince women (who are mostly my age and older) to give up this very look of a frumpy sweater over a way too tight pair of elastic pant. They've nearly succeeded in bashing it from our malls and streets and now it's back. Things are going to get very ugly.

This has nothing to do with beauty, fashion or things that smell good. Quite the opposite, actually. But, since everyone and their mostly-blind grandma are reading the gossip blogs and talking about Britney, here's my take on this:

If there is one thing that someone who is in the middle of a custody battle shouldn't be doing, is hanging out with Paris Hilton. At this point, even the judge has already seen more of Britney than he or she has ever wanted to, and it ain't pretty.

(For those who are just emerging from under their nicely-scented rocks, the links on the right to The Superficial and A Socialite's Life would give you enough material to stay amused for a couple of hours. I'm not taking responsibility to brain cells dying unexpectedly).

Maybe the nice people at Victoria's Secret should start a new campaign: Bring the Panties Back! The girl is doing them a great service.

Put the Smoke Out

If you're reading this, most chances are that you are: a) Not Beyonce, and b) not employing a team of makeup artists. This means that maybe you should be a bit careful with this smoky eye thing.
I see it everywhere. In the Jersey malls and in Manhattan's East Village, women and girls are rocking the raccoon eyes. The results are not flattering and usually vary between weird and skanky.

If you're very pale, chances are that dark eye shadow and liner are too harsh and unflattering for you. Even when you do find a shade that looks good on you (medium brown or blue), it needs to be applied lightly, not go up to your eyebrow and definitely to go sparingly under your eyes. If you have a darker complexion, piling up the black or charcoal around your eyes will most likely make you look tired, dead or skanky. Maybe all of the above. If you look at Beyonce's teal smoky eye makeup for the AMA red carpet you'll notice that it isn't black and overwhelming. It's light, it's pretty and it's expertly applied. How many of us can do that? Or even need a red carpet look?

I'm one of those who can pull a dark eye shadow, as long as it stays on my upper lids. I use a black or almost black liner, leave it unsmudged, because I can't guarantee equal results on both eyes (another mistake so many are making), apply a light shadow to the brow bone, a dark brown, charcoal or blue eye shadow to the crease and blend the whole thing well. If I'm using something on my lower lash line, it's always a color that actually highlights my eyes. Because that looks better on me.

Now, look what happens to someone who piles up the colors and doesn't blend. Rachael Ray might have worse things to worry about right now, but this makeup isn't going to help her any:

Seriously

Who did Catherine Zeta Jones' makeup? And, why? (Click on the picture to enlarge it and see more of this weird eye makeup)
More CZJ horribleness here. The dress is atrocious.